Confused, mostly, but I'm starting to accept that as my natural state of being. Hi. [ he tilts his head a little. ] You're looking well. Everything's good on that side, I guess?
I mean..."Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Can't say there're people in poorer spirits than people killed in this game.
[ but we're close, probably. ]
What's with the crossover anyway? What happened to cause that?
[ the biblical quote gets him to laugh, actually, pleased. jonas... smart cookie ]
Hah. I wouldn't say most of us are in poor spirits. I wasn't, even the night I died.
[ sometimes you take a joyride off the top of a waterfall in a motorcycle and then when your murderer gets caught you guys become super close in your weird graveyard. 10/10 experience he would highly recommend.
anyway ]
As for the crossover... I don't know how much I can really say, for safety's sake. We're still trying to keep a somewhat low profile. But, we've been residing in a different plane of existence, and it seems as if they're trying to find a point to merge them together. I imagine the point we have in similarity - Shibuya - is the place where things will start to meld.
[ sometimes...you hear things as a kid and start to pick up on them again as a teen when things happen. ]
You get what I mean though. Valerie told me you guys really are dead over there and we aren't...or something to that effect. [ it's sad, even if the dead are fine. ] But all the more reason to finish this however we can.
Don't say anything that's gonna get you in trouble. That's part of why I waited to contact you again out of the public eye. Or, at least, where a lot of people weren't congregated. [ he frowns. ] A few of us speculated your plane wasn't that far from ours, so good to know that's right. We just reached Shibuya earlier today, so if there's a point where things meld together it's just about tethering the planes together right? There's probably some differences in our Shibuya versus yours. Kazuki was saying this Shibuya's kinda empty compared to the real one.
Yes, that's correct. But, if the points aren't used to buy everyone's lives back, everyone'll be equally dead except for the team that's currently in first place. Things are progressing in a solid way - it's just a matter of being patient, at this point.
[ he doesn't seem too worried? there's a just slightly enigmatic smile to that, and a nod of his head towards being careful. thanks man. ]
And that's the jist of it, you're correct. Our Shibuya is a bit strange compared to the Shibuya I've traveled to in my own world, but it's very... for lack of a better term, lively. We have a lot more things here than you all have had access to.
[ fei du's image flickers a bit, and then just in view, he holds up a wine glass and gives it a wiggle. ]
More interestingly, though, our Shibuya is lacking what's called the "Scramble Crossing", which is that conglomeration of crosswalks that yours has. I'm sure that's relevant to the way we merge together.
The only points that really matter are the winners' though, aren't they? So...the team in first place. If they don't have enough, we're kind of stuck regardless since we can't do a points transfer or anything. I mean if you think things are progressing fine, I'll do my best to believe that.
[ but it's hard just sitting around and waiting to see if we're doomed or victorious, you know? i wish we had more back-up plans.
still. boo. ]
First of all, that's not fair. The most we got was a Starbucks and a mini-golf place. And another McDonald's? Why did we need a second one. But that part's a little weird. I kind of thought the crossing and the dog were some huge landmark thing. The dog looks a little weird too though. So you're probably right, it's relevant in some way.
I'll tell you this: I'm not the type of person to sugarcoat or give you false hope. You're not quite pretty enough for that. [ this is a joke, gently playful. ] So, if I tell you that things are progressing as they should be, then they are. We've had a lot of faith in you all up to this point, so, we hope you'll have faith in us, too.
[ the second part though - ah, he laughs. especially at the mcdonalds. ]
We have an unreasonable amount of McDonalds over here? So that might be a sign, too. Who knows. [ plane merging is so weird. ] But, hey. It's a small price to pay in the grand scheme of life, or something like that.
I'd hate to say "I hope you get to see it", but it would be nice if the nicer things from our location would come to you all. I've really come to enjoy my penthouse suite.
[ which is a very nice sentiment and might work normally, but jonas is a paranoid sort of person even on a good day. it means that all of the niceties in the world could be said, but there will always be the little inkling of doubt. but, then again, he's heard this from a few people now. ]
Fair enough. Everyone's done the best they can up to this point, so that's going to have to be enough for now.
[ squinting. ]
Maybe the answer is hidden under the golden arches. [ tiredly. ] I don't know, it's all kind of stupid to consider. We already know that the planes are separate, so...we'll see where the starting point is. I do wonder if they merge if we'll have access to where you are. Or if it's going to do the absolute shitty thing and bring you here instead. Shitty in terms of what we have.
[ ...he does not comment on the penthouse suite, but he does look a little uncertain about it. ]
[ he's so allowed. this is why fei du doesn't say niceties to people unless they're pretty girls or he's lying. valid as hell. ]
It is all incredibly stupid to consider. [ everything about this is stupid. it's fine. ] But, all we can do is wait for the stupidity to resolve itself. Good things come to those who wait, or, at least, relief might. The sweet release of life, or maybe death.
[ please don't joke about this ]
That being said, I hope you'll be able to. I'd like to keep my car. [ what is going on on the dead side... it is a mystery ... ] We'll just have to be patient. Just keep your ear to the ground, alright? I trust you to keep a handle on things over there.
[ ...he ignores literally the entire part about the car as well. it's probably a good thing thoughtsharing doesn't affect the dead so he can keep a lid on it. ]
Sure, maybe. But some of us also have things that can't wait and until we figure out what to do to save all of you, too, that's what I'm gonna focus on in the in-between. Multiple problems, multiple goals.
[ but, importantly: ] We'll figure it out now that we can actually talk to all of you much easier. It's...what, Monday? We have a few days to get our shit together.
also the absolute comedy of this tag days later. can't believe everyone blew up ]
Precisely. As hard as it is to just say 'we have to be patient', that is the case. [ a beat. ] ...I wanted to ask you something, by the way. Something small.
Then we'll just have to keep waiting. [ which is still annoying, but it's fine. moving on. he looks a little surprised, so he tilts his head at the second bit. ]
...Shenhe was really very worried about you. We talked a little about it.
[ he smiles a little sympathetically, here - sort of sheepish, sorry for knowing, but: ] Did the message that she sent to you help, last week? I was going to write to you about it, but... well, it seemed silly. Now that we're in person, though, it's an easier conversation to have.
[ there's a weird little flicker in his expression when fei du confirms that he and shenhe have spoken about him, but it's gone just as fast as it came. he settles for being neutral, hearing him out and trying to think of what to say to that.
he knows himself. and so he's left wondering, just a little. ]
...I mean yeah. Her messages always help in a way. [ truth. ] She says things that I can understand and relate to at least, and that's about all I can ask from her. I've never expected her to have perfect answers or solve everything for me. Being Shenhe is pretty much always enough for me. But it was nice hearing from her. Good enough reminder for when the end seems bleak and all, you know?
[ but it's also obvious that he's being careful and measured in what he's saying about it. he does fully believe that shenhe's messages were good though. ]
[ ah. well - fei du is observant. he's quiet, waiting patiently for jonas's answer with no judgement or real emotion on his face, just a sort of quietly passive audience. he's always been a good listener, and he regards that carefulness and measuredness for what it is. ]
Mm. [ once he's finished, the noise comes quietly, and there's another thoughtful pause. ]
She didn't tell me much. [ comes the offer, first - a little apologetic. there's nothing to worry about, there, and it comes with a small smile, before he continues. ] But she asked me for some help in wording what she wanted to say. In the end, I don't think she needed my help at all, because what she had was better than anything that I came up with.
...but, there was something she said then that caught my eye - that it's impossible to feel human, and to feel right. I understand that feeling too, maybe more than anyone would really know. [ a beat, and then, softening a bit to correct himself: ] Besides her, at least.
...I felt lucky, that I got to spend so much time with her, here, for as unfortunate as the circumstances leading up to it had to be.
[ well. he's still not entirely sure how he feels knowing that someone he trusted and someone who knows he still struggles with fully talking to people or connecting or sorting his emotions has been talking about him to other people he doesn't know as well. it's not even really fei du's fault. it's just a fight or flight instinct kicking in, and for a moment jonas debates aborting entirely because...it's hard to say. they were still shenhe's words, and he is touched she wanted to help him so much, but at the same time there's something a little unnerving in being perceived by someone with less context.
this is all jonas's feelings on the matter, but it does sound like fei du at least read it anyway. he's silent for an extraordinary amount of time, if only because he's not sure what to say.
in the end, he does what he does best and he removes himself entirely from the equation, focusing on the other parts and offering a light, understanding sort of smile. ]
...she's a good person to know. I was happy to spend the time with her that I could, too. I know she may not always think so, but she's done more good than bad here, I think. Which is important when I know she's trying to be someone who helps instead of a person who hurts people. It's why hearing about her mission sucked since it's like detrimental to that. I'm mostly glad she had people over there who could understand what she was going through and how she felt. So...unfortunate circumstances or not, it's a good thing for people to understand other people. I'm glad for that much. [ for them, he means. ]
for fei du it's less knowing jonas and more knowing what shenhe said. it's the same thing that he struggles with, hard as that is to see, or to believe. it's the concept of being human that doesn't feel right, the idea that you're just a monster wearing a mask, wearing silk gloves to cover your claws, learning to emulate, learning to be anyone but who you really are, because you never learned who that person was in the first place. there's familiarity in the struggle of that one sentence, in the way there is familiarity with emotion, with trying to be. all of this was gleaned from what she showed him, her own typed message, and little conversation about the actual topic at hand, but it's hard to reach out when you're just as closed off. he barely knows anything about what jonas had or hadn't gone through - only that in shenhe's response to him, he felt a quiet sort of kinship with the words she wanted to say.
he's gracious and won't push, because there's familiarity in that reroute, too. it's what he would do. he'll take the path that's given. ]
Mm. Her mission was harsh on her, especially. [ his expression is soft, for a moment, brows very delicately furrowed, mouth pulled into a small frown. that had been terrifying. ] And I know that it was hard for her to be separated from you all.
[ some people leave behind craters, when they die. shenhe was one of them.
the expression fades though, into a more polite, warm smile. ] I'm not so sure if I was able to understand, but I'm glad, too. Hopefully, the two of you will be able to be reunited in a form more tangible, soon, as well.
That's all, really. Like I said - it was all contextless, but she was worried for you, so. I just hoped to check in.
[ there was also a lot of context he hadn't given shenhe, alive or erased. that was jonas in a nutshell, really, someone who does far better at caring about other people and desperately trying to be a good person but still believing he's not there yet. as things have happened in this game, that belief wavered further and further. the mission had changed things and caused a bit of a backslide, too.
but he still worries about other things. other people. it's easier than being stuck in place thinking about things he doesn't want to think about. ]
I think everyone's missions were pretty rough. I heard enough about yours to say I wasn't impressed with what you had to go through either. [ from way back when. ] This game has really been designed to fuck with us and figure out the best way to get under our skin. It's...it's weird, right? How that happens. I don't think there was a mission out there that people walked away from completely unharmed physically or mentally. The whole...barrier between the Erased and us didn't help either. Usually when people die that's just...y'know, it. None of the tentative hope you'll see each other again as long as you don't fuck up, none of the letters that are both simultaneously helpful and depressing because you want to actually have the conversations face to face because letters don't work enough. I've buried enough to know.
[ he shrugs though. ]
I figure you must understand enough if she asked for your help, and I appreciate that. I never wanted her to have to be alone, so...it's good to hear she felt she could trust you. [ a wry grin. ] I do appreciate the check in, but I'm gonna be honest, man. I've been more focused on figuring out how to bring you guys back that that's all I want to worry about right now. You know? Until everything's settled here. I can handle my own shit later. People here miss you guys a lot. It's not just about me and people I miss and anything else I have going on. [ it can't be about that right now. it has always been about helping other people. fei du cannot hear his thoughts, but the thought and motivation are there. ]
If anything, I should have checked in with you and other people sooner but...it got hard to keep track of whose usernames were what after a while.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Confused, mostly, but I'm starting to accept that as my natural state of being. Hi. [ he tilts his head a little. ] You're looking well. Everything's good on that side, I guess?
no subject
Surprisingly. You'd think the other side would be worse, but, it's actually nice here? [ a stray thought drifts by - I've even got a car. ]
I prefer it over where you all are - though, interestingly enough, we've got a bit of crossover, now.
no subject
[ but we're close, probably. ]
What's with the crossover anyway? What happened to cause that?
no subject
Hah. I wouldn't say most of us are in poor spirits. I wasn't, even the night I died.
[ sometimes you take a joyride off the top of a waterfall in a motorcycle and then when your murderer gets caught you guys become super close in your weird graveyard. 10/10 experience he would highly recommend.
anyway ]
As for the crossover... I don't know how much I can really say, for safety's sake. We're still trying to keep a somewhat low profile. But, we've been residing in a different plane of existence, and it seems as if they're trying to find a point to merge them together. I imagine the point we have in similarity - Shibuya - is the place where things will start to meld.
no subject
You get what I mean though. Valerie told me you guys really are dead over there and we aren't...or something to that effect. [ it's sad, even if the dead are fine. ] But all the more reason to finish this however we can.
Don't say anything that's gonna get you in trouble. That's part of why I waited to contact you again out of the public eye. Or, at least, where a lot of people weren't congregated. [ he frowns. ] A few of us speculated your plane wasn't that far from ours, so good to know that's right. We just reached Shibuya earlier today, so if there's a point where things meld together it's just about tethering the planes together right? There's probably some differences in our Shibuya versus yours. Kazuki was saying this Shibuya's kinda empty compared to the real one.
no subject
[ he doesn't seem too worried? there's a just slightly enigmatic smile to that, and a nod of his head towards being careful. thanks man. ]
And that's the jist of it, you're correct. Our Shibuya is a bit strange compared to the Shibuya I've traveled to in my own world, but it's very... for lack of a better term, lively. We have a lot more things here than you all have had access to.
[ fei du's image flickers a bit, and then just in view, he holds up a wine glass and gives it a wiggle. ]
More interestingly, though, our Shibuya is lacking what's called the "Scramble Crossing", which is that conglomeration of crosswalks that yours has. I'm sure that's relevant to the way we merge together.
no subject
[ but it's hard just sitting around and waiting to see if we're doomed or victorious, you know? i wish we had more back-up plans.
still. boo. ]
First of all, that's not fair. The most we got was a Starbucks and a mini-golf place. And another McDonald's? Why did we need a second one. But that part's a little weird. I kind of thought the crossing and the dog were some huge landmark thing. The dog looks a little weird too though. So you're probably right, it's relevant in some way.
no subject
I'll tell you this: I'm not the type of person to sugarcoat or give you false hope. You're not quite pretty enough for that. [ this is a joke, gently playful. ] So, if I tell you that things are progressing as they should be, then they are. We've had a lot of faith in you all up to this point, so, we hope you'll have faith in us, too.
[ the second part though - ah, he laughs. especially at the mcdonalds. ]
We have an unreasonable amount of McDonalds over here? So that might be a sign, too. Who knows. [ plane merging is so weird. ] But, hey. It's a small price to pay in the grand scheme of life, or something like that.
I'd hate to say "I hope you get to see it", but it would be nice if the nicer things from our location would come to you all. I've really come to enjoy my penthouse suite.
no subject
Fair enough. Everyone's done the best they can up to this point, so that's going to have to be enough for now.
[ squinting. ]
Maybe the answer is hidden under the golden arches. [ tiredly. ] I don't know, it's all kind of stupid to consider. We already know that the planes are separate, so...we'll see where the starting point is. I do wonder if they merge if we'll have access to where you are. Or if it's going to do the absolute shitty thing and bring you here instead. Shitty in terms of what we have.
[ ...he does not comment on the penthouse suite, but he does look a little uncertain about it. ]
no subject
It is all incredibly stupid to consider. [ everything about this is stupid. it's fine. ] But, all we can do is wait for the stupidity to resolve itself. Good things come to those who wait, or, at least, relief might. The sweet release of life, or maybe death.
[ please don't joke about this ]
That being said, I hope you'll be able to. I'd like to keep my car. [ what is going on on the dead side... it is a mystery ... ] We'll just have to be patient. Just keep your ear to the ground, alright? I trust you to keep a handle on things over there.
no subject
Sure, maybe. But some of us also have things that can't wait and until we figure out what to do to save all of you, too, that's what I'm gonna focus on in the in-between. Multiple problems, multiple goals.
[ but, importantly: ] We'll figure it out now that we can actually talk to all of you much easier. It's...what, Monday? We have a few days to get our shit together.
no subject
also the absolute comedy of this tag days later. can't believe everyone blew up ]
Precisely. As hard as it is to just say 'we have to be patient', that is the case. [ a beat. ] ...I wanted to ask you something, by the way. Something small.
no subject
What's the something small?
no subject
[ he smiles a little sympathetically, here - sort of sheepish, sorry for knowing, but: ] Did the message that she sent to you help, last week? I was going to write to you about it, but... well, it seemed silly. Now that we're in person, though, it's an easier conversation to have.
[ I saw a lot of myself in her words, too. ]
no subject
he knows himself. and so he's left wondering, just a little. ]
...I mean yeah. Her messages always help in a way. [ truth. ] She says things that I can understand and relate to at least, and that's about all I can ask from her. I've never expected her to have perfect answers or solve everything for me. Being Shenhe is pretty much always enough for me. But it was nice hearing from her. Good enough reminder for when the end seems bleak and all, you know?
[ but it's also obvious that he's being careful and measured in what he's saying about it. he does fully believe that shenhe's messages were good though. ]
no subject
Mm. [ once he's finished, the noise comes quietly, and there's another thoughtful pause. ]
She didn't tell me much. [ comes the offer, first - a little apologetic. there's nothing to worry about, there, and it comes with a small smile, before he continues. ] But she asked me for some help in wording what she wanted to say. In the end, I don't think she needed my help at all, because what she had was better than anything that I came up with.
...but, there was something she said then that caught my eye - that it's impossible to feel human, and to feel right. I understand that feeling too, maybe more than anyone would really know. [ a beat, and then, softening a bit to correct himself: ] Besides her, at least.
...I felt lucky, that I got to spend so much time with her, here, for as unfortunate as the circumstances leading up to it had to be.
no subject
this is all jonas's feelings on the matter, but it does sound like fei du at least read it anyway. he's silent for an extraordinary amount of time, if only because he's not sure what to say.
in the end, he does what he does best and he removes himself entirely from the equation, focusing on the other parts and offering a light, understanding sort of smile. ]
...she's a good person to know. I was happy to spend the time with her that I could, too. I know she may not always think so, but she's done more good than bad here, I think. Which is important when I know she's trying to be someone who helps instead of a person who hurts people. It's why hearing about her mission sucked since it's like detrimental to that. I'm mostly glad she had people over there who could understand what she was going through and how she felt. So...unfortunate circumstances or not, it's a good thing for people to understand other people. I'm glad for that much. [ for them, he means. ]
no subject
for fei du it's less knowing jonas and more knowing what shenhe said. it's the same thing that he struggles with, hard as that is to see, or to believe. it's the concept of being human that doesn't feel right, the idea that you're just a monster wearing a mask, wearing silk gloves to cover your claws, learning to emulate, learning to be anyone but who you really are, because you never learned who that person was in the first place. there's familiarity in the struggle of that one sentence, in the way there is familiarity with emotion, with trying to be. all of this was gleaned from what she showed him, her own typed message, and little conversation about the actual topic at hand, but it's hard to reach out when you're just as closed off. he barely knows anything about what jonas had or hadn't gone through - only that in shenhe's response to him, he felt a quiet sort of kinship with the words she wanted to say.
he's gracious and won't push, because there's familiarity in that reroute, too. it's what he would do. he'll take the path that's given. ]
Mm. Her mission was harsh on her, especially. [ his expression is soft, for a moment, brows very delicately furrowed, mouth pulled into a small frown. that had been terrifying. ] And I know that it was hard for her to be separated from you all.
[ some people leave behind craters, when they die. shenhe was one of them.
the expression fades though, into a more polite, warm smile. ] I'm not so sure if I was able to understand, but I'm glad, too. Hopefully, the two of you will be able to be reunited in a form more tangible, soon, as well.
That's all, really. Like I said - it was all contextless, but she was worried for you, so. I just hoped to check in.
no subject
but he still worries about other things. other people. it's easier than being stuck in place thinking about things he doesn't want to think about. ]
I think everyone's missions were pretty rough. I heard enough about yours to say I wasn't impressed with what you had to go through either. [ from way back when. ] This game has really been designed to fuck with us and figure out the best way to get under our skin. It's...it's weird, right? How that happens. I don't think there was a mission out there that people walked away from completely unharmed physically or mentally. The whole...barrier between the Erased and us didn't help either. Usually when people die that's just...y'know, it. None of the tentative hope you'll see each other again as long as you don't fuck up, none of the letters that are both simultaneously helpful and depressing because you want to actually have the conversations face to face because letters don't work enough. I've buried enough to know.
[ he shrugs though. ]
I figure you must understand enough if she asked for your help, and I appreciate that. I never wanted her to have to be alone, so...it's good to hear she felt she could trust you. [ a wry grin. ] I do appreciate the check in, but I'm gonna be honest, man. I've been more focused on figuring out how to bring you guys back that that's all I want to worry about right now. You know? Until everything's settled here. I can handle my own shit later. People here miss you guys a lot. It's not just about me and people I miss and anything else I have going on. [ it can't be about that right now. it has always been about helping other people. fei du cannot hear his thoughts, but the thought and motivation are there. ]
If anything, I should have checked in with you and other people sooner but...it got hard to keep track of whose usernames were what after a while.