[ there was also a lot of context he hadn't given shenhe, alive or erased. that was jonas in a nutshell, really, someone who does far better at caring about other people and desperately trying to be a good person but still believing he's not there yet. as things have happened in this game, that belief wavered further and further. the mission had changed things and caused a bit of a backslide, too.
but he still worries about other things. other people. it's easier than being stuck in place thinking about things he doesn't want to think about. ]
I think everyone's missions were pretty rough. I heard enough about yours to say I wasn't impressed with what you had to go through either. [ from way back when. ] This game has really been designed to fuck with us and figure out the best way to get under our skin. It's...it's weird, right? How that happens. I don't think there was a mission out there that people walked away from completely unharmed physically or mentally. The whole...barrier between the Erased and us didn't help either. Usually when people die that's just...y'know, it. None of the tentative hope you'll see each other again as long as you don't fuck up, none of the letters that are both simultaneously helpful and depressing because you want to actually have the conversations face to face because letters don't work enough. I've buried enough to know.
[ he shrugs though. ]
I figure you must understand enough if she asked for your help, and I appreciate that. I never wanted her to have to be alone, so...it's good to hear she felt she could trust you. [ a wry grin. ] I do appreciate the check in, but I'm gonna be honest, man. I've been more focused on figuring out how to bring you guys back that that's all I want to worry about right now. You know? Until everything's settled here. I can handle my own shit later. People here miss you guys a lot. It's not just about me and people I miss and anything else I have going on. [ it can't be about that right now. it has always been about helping other people. fei du cannot hear his thoughts, but the thought and motivation are there. ]
If anything, I should have checked in with you and other people sooner but...it got hard to keep track of whose usernames were what after a while.
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but he still worries about other things. other people. it's easier than being stuck in place thinking about things he doesn't want to think about. ]
I think everyone's missions were pretty rough. I heard enough about yours to say I wasn't impressed with what you had to go through either. [ from way back when. ] This game has really been designed to fuck with us and figure out the best way to get under our skin. It's...it's weird, right? How that happens. I don't think there was a mission out there that people walked away from completely unharmed physically or mentally. The whole...barrier between the Erased and us didn't help either. Usually when people die that's just...y'know, it. None of the tentative hope you'll see each other again as long as you don't fuck up, none of the letters that are both simultaneously helpful and depressing because you want to actually have the conversations face to face because letters don't work enough. I've buried enough to know.
[ he shrugs though. ]
I figure you must understand enough if she asked for your help, and I appreciate that. I never wanted her to have to be alone, so...it's good to hear she felt she could trust you. [ a wry grin. ] I do appreciate the check in, but I'm gonna be honest, man. I've been more focused on figuring out how to bring you guys back that that's all I want to worry about right now. You know? Until everything's settled here. I can handle my own shit later. People here miss you guys a lot. It's not just about me and people I miss and anything else I have going on. [ it can't be about that right now. it has always been about helping other people. fei du cannot hear his thoughts, but the thought and motivation are there. ]
If anything, I should have checked in with you and other people sooner but...it got hard to keep track of whose usernames were what after a while.