PC: Haruka

[westedge]

Comments

[squirt]

[ haru has actually properly healed himself enough that he can sit around and stick his leggies in the pool. his body language is insanely tense, but his expression is pretty calm. ]

...It's okay. I wanted to thank you, anyway.

[westedge]

[ just. sighing but turning to look at him. ]

I was kind of hoping nobody would notice if I didn't say anything. [ so. ] Don't thank me for that. What else was I supposed to do?

[ literally what other answer would he have given besides covering haru in this case, he means. ]

[squirt]

[ us in tears as people tried to cover for our froyo crimes ]

...The obvious answer? You could've tried to get us caught.

[ he's kind of touched, though. ]

[westedge]

[ yeah this is how it goes now.

there's a kind of sideways, wry little grin. ]

Could've. Didn't want to. So didn't bother. I mean, don't think I don't have, like, a bunch of questions about what went down but...that was never an option for us.

[squirt]

[ he nearly smiles, but instead he's quiet. there's a vulnerable moment, one he doesn't mean to allow but can't really help. ]

...You can ask anything. I won't make excuses for what we've done. But—thanks. For sticking up for us, anyway.

[westedge]

You guys were the one team who reached out to us to make sure we weren't behind in knowing what was happening early on. Of course we'd stick up for that. [ :( but hm...it's hard to say what, exactly, he wants to ask. he wants to know things, but he wants to be sensitive to all three of them. but he figures haru will answer what haru wants, and what he doesn't he won't. ]

I know you won't make excuses, otherwise you wouldn't have all but admitted it was you guys. [ ... ] Did you guys get the phone call? Or did you choose to act on your own?

[squirt]

[ he closes his eyes. it would be very easy to say it was a phone call, but this shouldn't be easy. ]

...No. We have our reasons. But you could say that for anyone. In the end, it was our decision.

[westedge]

[ he doesn't seem too surprised to hear that. ]

We always knew the game would come down to this. People making choices. [ he could stand to sound more judgmental, but he does not. ] Why Fei Du?

[squirt]

[ tbd is valid. maybe not? but they are. ]

...He's older, and he was Gerard's friend. I think that—made it feel less wrong, for him.

[ it's a noble enough reason, he thinks. ]

[westedge]

...hence the wine and actually having a drink with him before you guys got started. Something like that. [ he doesn't seem to have many feelings on that. ] I don't...think that's necessarily a wrong reason when we all know exactly why we're here. It'd be more wrong, I think, if you had decided his life wasn't worth anything and that's why it needed to be erased. But picking someone you could try to have an understanding with is different.

[squirt]

[ yeah sometimes you just have a nice grape juice before a murder ]

I think it's better reasoning than targeting Rin. [ but he's biased. ] ...But in the end, we're still deciding who dies. It's going to make someone upset, no matter what.

I know that's unfair.

[ he understands wenzhou and nahri and everyone else. he's been there. ]

[westedge]

[ there's silence for a bit. ]

I go back and forth on if fairness matters here or not. Because in the end, everyone's deciding who dies. Whether we're the ones erasing people ourselves, or we're voting to have people erased. Like I've been saying from the beginning, it's about making choices you can live with. Even if other people are going to be upset or think it's unfair. All we can do is look out for our own, and try to find people we might be able to trust along the way.

[squirt]

[ he nods. jonas might hide some of his Feelings, but he's been honest about this subject before. ]

...No matter who we picked, someone was going to be upset. [ he doesn't say that like an unreasonable thing. it's natural. he was heartbroken over rin and still is. ] It's too sad to think about who'd be missed the least. I don't think that's a fair way to do it either.

But you're right. There are things I wouldn't be able to live with after. And friends I want to save. Like my team. And you guys.

[ that's what he's decided to prioritize. these are the choices they have to make. ]

[westedge]

I thought maybe, at first, that might have been a strategy to use. Pick a person I know the least, and maybe someone who'd cause the least damage to everybody else. I quickly realized it was never gonna work that way. Especially the longer we all got to know each other. Everybody has somebody.

[ but he nods. ]

It's mutual, obviously. I know we're getting to a point where things are dire, but there are people I want to see make it as far as possible and figure out how to work together for a new option. People I don't want to see gone, you know? I want my team to stay together as long as possible. I want you and Ylfa to keep surviving. I have a few others, but...we'll see what happens to them.

[squirt]

[ he's not surprised or concerned that jonas has given this some thought. he has an entire team to protect, especially alex. ]

...It's dire already. And I'm—...I'm glad you're all still here.

[ if things are going to be this bad, he wants to at least be around people he likes and trusts. even if it's a little selfish to think so. ]

It's only going to get harder.

[westedge]

If we're honest with ourselves, it's been dire since we first got a look at the rulebook. [ there's a pause. ] I'm tired of not being there when people need me the most. I'm not going anywhere if I can help it, especially when things get worse. That's the best I can do.

[ he's stubborn is really what it is. he wants to be there for the people who want him around. ]