[ spiderverse is way more important it's fair. anyway they're outside! jonas is wandering because he really is tired of being inside and sitting. and so...he's just approaching. ]
...hey. Up for company at all, or do you want to be alone for a while? [ like. they caught rin's murderer, but also today was just kind of tiring. ]
[ spoon really just destroyed you. but jonas will take that as an okay and settle to have a seat nearby, glancing at froggystyle's wall. for a moment, he doesn't reply, but it's more because he's thinking of how to say anything. ]
...people worry when they don't really know what else to say, I think. [ which makes sense. ] I'm not sure it warrants an apology though. You think they shouldn't be?
[ he looks thoughtful, because he never thought of it that way. it is hard to know what to say besides, i'm sorry. it's a hard situation to say anything in at all. ]
It's just... not really about me. [ the tragedy here is rin. ] And I don't want people to think our team that way. Like I need to be protected.
[ that makes sense. it's...kind of a terrible thing to think people might pity you or feel the need to protect you just because something happened. like you aren't capable of doing things on your own anymore, or that there aren't other people out there to focus on. ]
People can't express their condolences to Rin because he's not here. But you are, and I guess...some people would say that it's harder on the people left behind than on the people that leave. But I don't see why it can't be both. [ to the first part. to the second: ] Wolfwood told me you were asking for self-defense lessons. Is that part of the reason why?
[ because he doesn't want people thinking he can't protect himself. ]
Edited (what the fuck was i trying to say.) 2023-06-26 05:15 (UTC)
[ he nods, small and concise in agreement. more people should just express their feelings to rin instead. even if he can't hear them. he'd need them, if he were still here; he'd always had too easily bruised a heart.
the second bit is a little more complicated. ]
That's— [ he breathes slowly in, slowly out. ] It's a little different. Shenhe told me that learning to fight was the best way to protect someone. But... I didn't learn fast enough.
[ obviously. ]
I've never had to think about fighting. A lot of people here have.
[ it's a sad thing, mostly. jonas doesn't bother explaining why he's saying it, figures haru's fine just listening and he'll say what he feels should be said for someone who's clearly a little lost on what to do next.
but that also kind of makes him wince a little. it's...hard. to think of how he'd feel if he'd decided to do something to protect people and failing before starting. but he keeps his face mostly neutral and nods in thought. ]
I can't say I disagree, even if Shenhe sometimes takes things to the extremes. [ he says with nothing but vague fondness in his tone. ] You and Rin come from a place where you never had to learn how to fight. And that's a good thing in a lot of ways. It means you've never had to experience things that would make you have to. But at the same time...it's a lot harder when you know a lot of other people have and trying to catch up is going to be a pain.
It's smart. To learn. Even if...the person you wanted to protect isn't here now, you have to think about it this way. I doubt Rin would want you being unable to defend yourself, so...just as good motivation as anything. [ a pause. ] Ignore me, I know you know that. Just. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a good idea. Wolfwood's probably a good teacher, or even Shenhe herself. I can probably help, too, if you want someone a little less...trained.
[ i.e. someone who can, but not trained in combat arts. ]
[ he doesn't ignore him. talking right now is a labor; it's easier to soak in words that are more than well-meaning apologies.
so he listens, and only responds after a lull of silence. ]
Yeah. I'm lucky—...I miss being somewhere that I didn't have to hurt anyone. [ even if it puts him behind here. he's glad for a world where someone like rin could live safely. ] I want to learn to help my team, too.
[ but then, ]
You're used to fighting, too?
[ there's a hint of surprise in the question; most of tbd felt nearly adjacent to him and rin. ]
[ i wish i knew what was going on in free so i could study haru under a microscope. the thing about it is that jonas is like. aware. that people like rin and haru never wanted to have to hurt people and that they're extremely out of their depth here. it's the same with people like kazuki, or alex. people who have never had to experience things like that. ]
I don't think that's a wrong answer either. Have you told them that? [ he's never sure what other teams talk about, but he figures froggystyle all have a good rapport with each other. but then haru asks that and he pauses for a second. ]
...I don't know if I'd say I'm used to it, but I have before. The town I used to live in wasn't exactly a good place if you cared about being able to walk around alone at night or anything like that. I figured out enough to defend myself.
[ there's another pause. ]
I've only mentioned it to Wolfwood. That's why he mentioned you to me. [ so, it's not something jonas himself wants to spread too far for whatever reason. ]
[ it's okay, no one needs any amount of free knowledge ]
...I didn't tell Rin. But the rest of them—mm. I'll let them know.
[ it's probably something they should discuss. since their survival is suddenly a pressing topic.
but he's willing to leave it at that, studying jonas briefly instead. though he doesn't know why that's something to keep secret, he nods steadily. he's not in the business of spreading gossip. ]
I'd practice with you. [ it doesn't matter if jonas isn't ~classically trained~ at kicking ass. if it's effective, it's effective. ] Thanks for offering. Even if it's not pleasant for you.
[ since this seems to be something he learned by necessity, and not for much else. ]
It can't hurt. If you're going to be a team, you may as well be on the same page. [ it's said with a little hint of something like irony, but he doesn't elaborate on it.
likewise, he doesn't mind being studied. he's used to shenhe flat-out staring at him, so, this is on par for the course. he does appear a touch relieved that haru seems to agree not to mention it, even if he might not know why and even if jonas has zero plans of elaborating at this moment in time. ]
It's not a big deal. I'd rather make sure you're able to help yourself than think about if it's pleasant or not. [ in the end, he'd rather not have to see someone else be erased knowing they probably never stood a chance. it might be too late for rin right now, but this is the least he can offer. he won't be offended if haru picks better options either, but as long as he knows he has options, that's good enough. ]
[ mysterious... but he doesn't really care what the reasons are. everyone has their secrets. sometimes you just don't tell anyone things until you explode. ]
Okay.
[ it's nice of people to offer to help him, because technically, it'd be better to just let him to fend for himself. it's a competition, after all. but as far as he's seen, it doesn't stop most everyone from making connections—offering these tiny olive branches that could snap.
he stares at the warehouse wall for a second, quiet. his voice is low and soft. ]
[ yeah, you just hold all your feelings until you die. that's the spirit. but he seems, well, maybe satisfied isn't the right word for it. content, maybe? he seems okay with haru accepting this. it's all he can do to make sure he doesn't totally fall behind and slip away.
but he does take that as a cue, considering how today went. ]
Sure. It's...important we stick together as long as we can. So don't forget that. [ ... ] And if there's anything else you think I could do, I don't mind hearing you out. Alright?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...hey. Up for company at all, or do you want to be alone for a while? [ like. they caught rin's murderer, but also today was just kind of tiring. ]
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I don't mind. [ company. he wouldn't seek it out, but it's hard to deny when it presents itself. ] ...Sorry. I've been making everyone worry.
[ because i've had to write emotive emo tags week 1 instead of like week 5 like i was expecting ]
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...people worry when they don't really know what else to say, I think. [ which makes sense. ] I'm not sure it warrants an apology though. You think they shouldn't be?
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It's just... not really about me. [ the tragedy here is rin. ] And I don't want people to think our team that way. Like I need to be protected.
[ ylfa, too. ]
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People can't express their condolences to Rin because he's not here. But you are, and I guess...some people would say that it's harder on the people left behind than on the people that leave. But I don't see why it can't be both. [ to the first part. to the second: ] Wolfwood told me you were asking for self-defense lessons. Is that part of the reason why?
[ because he doesn't want people thinking he can't protect himself. ]
no subject
the second bit is a little more complicated. ]
That's— [ he breathes slowly in, slowly out. ] It's a little different. Shenhe told me that learning to fight was the best way to protect someone. But... I didn't learn fast enough.
[ obviously. ]
I've never had to think about fighting. A lot of people here have.
no subject
but that also kind of makes him wince a little. it's...hard. to think of how he'd feel if he'd decided to do something to protect people and failing before starting. but he keeps his face mostly neutral and nods in thought. ]
I can't say I disagree, even if Shenhe sometimes takes things to the extremes. [ he says with nothing but vague fondness in his tone. ] You and Rin come from a place where you never had to learn how to fight. And that's a good thing in a lot of ways. It means you've never had to experience things that would make you have to. But at the same time...it's a lot harder when you know a lot of other people have and trying to catch up is going to be a pain.
It's smart. To learn. Even if...the person you wanted to protect isn't here now, you have to think about it this way. I doubt Rin would want you being unable to defend yourself, so...just as good motivation as anything. [ a pause. ] Ignore me, I know you know that. Just. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a good idea. Wolfwood's probably a good teacher, or even Shenhe herself. I can probably help, too, if you want someone a little less...trained.
[ i.e. someone who can, but not trained in combat arts. ]
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so he listens, and only responds after a lull of silence. ]
Yeah. I'm lucky—...I miss being somewhere that I didn't have to hurt anyone. [ even if it puts him behind here. he's glad for a world where someone like rin could live safely. ] I want to learn to help my team, too.
[ but then, ]
You're used to fighting, too?
[ there's a hint of surprise in the question; most of tbd felt nearly adjacent to him and rin. ]
no subject
I don't think that's a wrong answer either. Have you told them that? [ he's never sure what other teams talk about, but he figures froggystyle all have a good rapport with each other. but then haru asks that and he pauses for a second. ]
...I don't know if I'd say I'm used to it, but I have before. The town I used to live in wasn't exactly a good place if you cared about being able to walk around alone at night or anything like that. I figured out enough to defend myself.
[ there's another pause. ]
I've only mentioned it to Wolfwood. That's why he mentioned you to me. [ so, it's not something jonas himself wants to spread too far for whatever reason. ]
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...I didn't tell Rin. But the rest of them—mm. I'll let them know.
[ it's probably something they should discuss. since their survival is suddenly a pressing topic.
but he's willing to leave it at that, studying jonas briefly instead. though he doesn't know why that's something to keep secret, he nods steadily. he's not in the business of spreading gossip. ]
I'd practice with you. [ it doesn't matter if jonas isn't ~classically trained~ at kicking ass. if it's effective, it's effective. ] Thanks for offering. Even if it's not pleasant for you.
[ since this seems to be something he learned by necessity, and not for much else. ]
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likewise, he doesn't mind being studied. he's used to shenhe flat-out staring at him, so, this is on par for the course. he does appear a touch relieved that haru seems to agree not to mention it, even if he might not know why and even if jonas has zero plans of elaborating at this moment in time. ]
It's not a big deal. I'd rather make sure you're able to help yourself than think about if it's pleasant or not. [ in the end, he'd rather not have to see someone else be erased knowing they probably never stood a chance. it might be too late for rin right now, but this is the least he can offer. he won't be offended if haru picks better options either, but as long as he knows he has options, that's good enough. ]
Whenever you want.
no subject
Okay.
[ it's nice of people to offer to help him, because technically, it'd be better to just let him to fend for himself. it's a competition, after all. but as far as he's seen, it doesn't stop most everyone from making connections—offering these tiny olive branches that could snap.
he stares at the warehouse wall for a second, quiet. his voice is low and soft. ]
Jonas. ...Thanks.
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but he does take that as a cue, considering how today went. ]
Sure. It's...important we stick together as long as we can. So don't forget that. [ ... ] And if there's anything else you think I could do, I don't mind hearing you out. Alright?